The Moment of Realization


For as long as I can remember I pretended I was a sea-horse. I did the best I could to believe it. I acted like one; I changed my colors to look-alike. I completely moved to the depth of the ocean, I assumed the body language and started to maneuver slowly wrapping my tiny tail on things to hold me on the environment I had adopted as mine. I started to think like them, put-on that aloof face and performed the gorgeous sea-horse dance whenever I had the chance. Of course it was a failure, but I only see that right now, at this minute of realization it came so clear to me, in the middle of this unimportant afternoon that I am not what I am tried so intensively to be. I was not trying to be a phony and deceive people into it, I was, actually the first one wanting to accredit and I spent all my days and efforts to obtain the perfection on acting like that gorgeous thing. The simplest folks believed my lie with me and we even engaged in a dance together, which made me feel so good and enabled me to keep going as I dreamed. But the smart ones, they looked too close until that imaginary figure melted down like wax in front of their eyes. Of course I was embarrassed, who could not be when reality lift the vail and show your face to everybody without any mercy? But because of my insanity and my eagerness to be a sea-horse was bigger than everything I just puffed my little chest up and withdraw myself swimming proudly and elegantly towards my fantasies. But today, at this very moment, life was transformed in a mirror positioning itself right on front of my eyes, and whenever I turned, in any angle a looked I saw no seahorse. And of course it hurt. What I am going to be if I cannot be what I so accurately imagined? What I going to do without all these sea paraphernalia accumulated all over the years? I don’t know yet but I am ready to reverse and go back to find out who whatever I am. I am ready to let go the great stress that covered me like a cloth made of iron. I am done with this nonsense. I don’t know what the future holds for me once I am starting over, but I am ready to let this counterfeit past go. After anguished to death about all this all my life and almost ruined myself for some reason I have no fear and my heart is fully relieved of this burden. It is about time and I am ready to accept the truth. I am leaving the ocean behind, undressing those colors, forgetting that mannerism and enjoying being on my feet for the first time in my life. I am in impressed with the calmness of my surrender and very surprised seeing my soul fully prepared to embrace who I intrinsically am. I can breathe. I am finally set free. I can truly accept now that I am not a creature of the seas, and what I really am comes to the front of the scene in a surprisingly beautiful appearance: Waw !! I am not a sea-horse, I am a bird.

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